1991 Pontiac Grand Prix: The Oppositelock Review

"C62030" (c62030) 02/23/2017 at 23:05 • Filed to: None

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As precisely none of you remember, exactly one year ago today I bought a 1991 Pontiac Grand Prix SE from an extremely dirty man in the middle of nowhere. Here are my relatively uninformed thoughts. Please excuse the lack of fresh pictures, as it’s winter here in Montana and every car looks disgusting 24/7. I’ll try to update the post with better ones soon.

Exterior: 8/10

I think this is one of the few truly pretty GMs of the 90s, when most cars’ designs had been inspired by a partially melted bar of soap. It’s exceptionally clean and well-proportioned, and finished in Turquoise Metallic, a color to whose boring-ass name I continually object. I’d suggest something like “Nuclear Avocado” or “Mike Wazowski’s Forehead.” I especially like the details like the red pinstripe, which I hated initially but have grown to appreciate, and the functionally iffy but great-looking vertical door handles. And thankfully, it does without those absurd waffle-iron taillights common to Pontiacs of this vintage. It’s deceptively small; there’s actually a ton of room inside and in the trunk, and even in the engine bay (the only thing that makes me want to strangle someone is that the battery is placed under a structural brace which you have to remove to change it, and then the battery terminals are on the side of the battery, so you have to skin your arm trying to unscrew them or connect jumper cables, which barely fit).

Interior: 6/10

This might seem like a somewhat stingy score, given that the interior carries all of the qualities I like about the exterior: uncluttered, functional and with a drizzle of ‘90s charm. And that’s all well and good...until you start touching stuff. I have yet to find a piece of the interior that doesn’t squeak or jiggle somehow when you press on it, and I just noticed the other day that the rubber piece that holds the shoulder portion of the seat belt in place is laced with so many cracks it’s a wonder it’s still there at all. Speaking of cracks, there’s a particularly nasty one that winds its way halfway up the windshield, but it’s thankfully all alone on the passenger side so I’m going to leave it there until it shatters while I’m driving and I’m forced to shell out for a new one. Other interior highlights include not one, not two, but five cubbies and holes shaped suspiciously like cigarette boxes (as well as a lighter and three ashtrays, two in back and one in front), including two inside the rear armrest instead of cupholders. What “cupholders” you do get are inside the lid of the glovebox , and appear to have been modeled precisely after the pathetic indents you get on an airplane tray table. To top it off, the lid is so short and they’re so close together that it’s impossible to put any cup or bottle more than six inches tall on them. The steering wheel is also the only thing wrapped in a strange substance that vaguely resembles leather, carrying none of its few advantages and all of its drawbacks, namely that depending on the weather it either freezes or scalds you.

Speaking of scalding, the heater is stellar, burning hot after only a couple minutes. The AC needs a recharge and I haven’t bothered to retrofit R134 fixtures, so for now in the summer I’m stuck with just blowing cool for about a minute at a time. Bizarrely, the heater and AC buttons themselves cause the car to blow the same tepid air; only when you sent it to Vent, Defrost or another directional setting then manually change the temperature via the slider do you get the heat or cooling.

The radio controls deserve their own paragraph. The buttons on the center console are approximately nine nanometers across by six nanometers tall, but big daddy GM makes up for it by giving you steering wheel controls that take up so much room they couldn’t put an airbag in the wheel (yep, that’s definitely the reason). Surprisingly, all the buttons on mine work (except the mute button, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the shop broke it when they changed a faulty blinker switch). It also has a five-slider equalizer, because 80s, which is great in concept but absolutely impossible to use while driving considering the treble and bass have two sliders each, which you have to move simultaneously to get the desired effect, and I’m not totally sure what the middle one does.

Handling: 6/10  

It’s about what you would expect from an old, front-wheel drive Pontiac. The steering is rather stiff and wooden but still reasonably communicative, and you can feel the road surface really well through the seat of your pants. Of course, pour on a little too much through a bend and you’re met with frankly alarming amounts of understeer, which brand-new tires didn’t seem to help, but keep it in reasonable limits and it’s satisfying to drive, mostly because you’re able to squeeze a lot out of it without breaking any speed limits.

Speed: 6/10

And break speed limits you certainly won’t. It potters along earnestly and composedly at highway speeds, but when you try to pass anywhere above 55mph, the 140-hp, 3.1L V6 throws a temper tantrum as the 4-speed gearbox kicks down, at which point the revs climb to 3,200rpm and stay there for the duration of your passing journey. I’m serious. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this thing to rev above 4,500rpm, which I blame completely on the bizarrely programmed transmission. It’s smooth enough, holding gears til the top if you ask it to, and isn’t terribly laggardly on the kickdown, but it shies away from the redline like the Daily Mail shies away from objective facts. However, that V6 punts out 185 lb-ft of torque, all available way down in the bottom of the range, which makes pulling away from lights an often giggle-worthy event, even after a year. On a good day, you can even get a little squeal out of the tires from a standing start.

Brakes: 7/10

I don’t know much about them. There are discs in the front, that’s for sure, and the back is a tossup (I don’t have the original options list, so it’s anyone’s guess as to if the original owner specced rear discs and I can’t be bothered to pull off the wheel). They actually stop the car extremely well, especially from highway speeds (you sort of have to stand on them at slow speeds for full force). There’s also no ABS light on the dash, so I’m assuming Pontiac did without it. Plenty of brake dust, but so far, they’ve otherwise been absolutely fine.

Gadgets: 4/10

It has absolutely none. No traction control, no stability control, no CD player. It does have front and rear defrost, which mostly work, and DRLs, of which one works. It also has a cassette deck, which works just fine, except when you want your tape back, at which point it makes an absolutely ungodly screech and I get fed up and leave it for several days until I’m ready to face it again. I’ve found that a tape can be coaxed out by pressing eject, then pressing rewind, and the noise gets worse until it reluctantly chucks the tape onto the floor. It has a power seat, with one joystick and two switches that appear to do exactly the same thing at slightly different speeds, and a very useful feature that illuminates the keyhole when you pull the door handle at night since there’s no keyless entry.

Oh, wait! I forgot the best one! it has those stupid “automatic” seat belts GM threw on everything in the early 90s, which means the seat belts are entirely contained in the door and to use them to their fullest potential you have to fold yourself through a morass of belt every time you get in or out of the car! Such forward thinking. I’m surprised this didn’t end up on a Mercedes.

Noise and Comfort: 7/10

Strange to say it, but this is one comfortable car. The seats are rather skinny, but they’re very well-shaped and covered in super soft cloth instead of that ridiculous slippery leather GM insisted on slapping into so many cars (and I hate the rock-hard headrests). Cabin noise is the only drawback at highway speeds, though it’s not unbearable; the ride, too, is firm without being harsh. The suspension strikes a good balance for a semi-sporty car, and around town, it’s perfectly quiet until you step on it, at which point the V6 sings like it could use a few voice lessons but was born with talent.

Value: 9/10

It’s excellent value, considering I bought it for $1,100 with 116k miles on the clock and no major issues to speak of. In the intervening 7,000 or so miles, the engine itself has been dead reliable, though several other things have broken, thanks to the 27-year-old, bone-stock electrics (including the wiper fluid pump, and the aforementioned blinker switch, which caught fire mid-drive. That was fun).

Final Score: 53/80

Not the greatest score in the world, I grant you, but honestly, I love this car. I love the way it looks. I love the stupid radio. I love the seats. I love the door handles and squircle wheelarches. So far, it’s been lovely, and I plan on keeping it for quite a while, if the low-20s mpg and near-constant electrical repairs don’t bankrupt me first. Also, Doug DeMuro said he liked it, which is enough for me.

LeftOfTheDial > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:14

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Those steering wheel controls. What a distraction! Pontiac was definitely taking chances back then.

C62030 > LeftOfTheDial 02/23/2017 at 23:15

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The thing is, they’re so big that they’re an absolute doddle to use without looking. I barely even notice them anymore, which means it’s actually a good design.

interstate366, now In The Industry > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:20

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Mmm, 90s color. One of my Preludes is from 1991, but it’s a much more subdued color.

C62030 > interstate366, now In The Industry 02/23/2017 at 23:21

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One of my Preludes

You da real MVP.

Alfalfa > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:22

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You know those cigarette-box-shaped cubby holes were probably meant to hold these:

C62030 > Alfalfa 02/23/2017 at 23:27

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What is that, some kind of space-age wallet?

Alfalfa > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:28

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I can’t tell if you’re joking or not, partially because I have no clue how old you are. So I’ll just say...Yes. Space wallets.

DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time > Alfalfa 02/23/2017 at 23:31

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Cassette tape case?

FYI I’m in my early twenties.

C62030 > Alfalfa 02/23/2017 at 23:33

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Forgive my young mind. I know they’re for tapes. Although I’m somewhat confused as to GM’s line of thinking for why one would want to carry only two lone tapes inside the rear armrest.

Alfalfa > DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time 02/23/2017 at 23:34

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Yes, cassette tape holder.

DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:34

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I’m guessing it doesn’t have an airbag. Because if it did, your face would look like someone had played tetris on it, after it went off.

Alfalfa > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:36

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Well the answer there is easy. It was the 90's, GM had no line of thinking.

C62030 > DC3 LS, will be perpetually replacing cars until the end of time 02/23/2017 at 23:38

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At least it would be an entertaining autopsy.

Urambo Tauro > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:44

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I like that exterior styling more than I thought I would. Maybe it’s because of the later models that really packed on the plastic cladding. This looks refreshingly slender in comparison, and the color’s great too. You sure don’t see much turquoise anymore. The blacked-out A- and B-pillars are a nice touch as well. There were some other cars at the time that did the same thing (the 1992 LeSabre comes to mind), and it makes a for really nice effect.

Oh, and I share your frustration with that battery. It always grinds my gears whenever a battery takes more work to get to than simply opening the hood.

C62030 > Urambo Tauro 02/23/2017 at 23:50

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That generation of LeSabre is one of my favorite cars. So clean and honest.

Chariotoflove > C62030 02/23/2017 at 23:51

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Great write up. Top notch Oppo. My Cutlass Supreme had the seat belts all in the door. I loved them like that. They made access to the back seat a breeze.

Urambo Tauro > C62030 02/24/2017 at 00:06

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I drove one for a few years. I liked it a lot. That clean and honest design was just as true on the inside as it was on the outside.

C62030 > Urambo Tauro 02/24/2017 at 00:13

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Not to mention the eternal majesty of the 3800.

ITA97, now with more Jag @ opposite-lock.com > C62030 02/24/2017 at 00:23

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The six-year old version of myself thought that was a neat car back in the day.

Amoore100 > C62030 02/24/2017 at 00:24

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I hate to say it but I honestly have a huge soft spot for the way this car looks. Still, I don’t think I could personally ever get used to that interior—or that transmission! My V50's slushbox is keen to kickdown to the lowest gear possible whenever I mat it and revs up to 5K before changing up; higher if I slap it into Geartronic (but those 168 hp are not going to get themselves going). It’s odd to me to even fathom such a leisurely transmission with no means of overriding it! I suppose the ‘90s were a gentler time, perhaps?

Axial > Alfalfa 02/24/2017 at 01:58

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This is, in fact, true. They were hemorrhaging literal billions in the early ‘90s.

Jonee > C62030 02/24/2017 at 02:10

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Great stuff. That is world’s most awesomely 90's car. I’ve hated every American car from that era I’ve ever experienced so respect to you for keeping it real.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > C62030 02/24/2017 at 08:19

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Hey, look, floating roof.

Before it was cool etc

C62030 > Amoore100 02/24/2017 at 09:05

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Apparently. It’s just fine for cruising because it’s a smooth gearbox overall, but when you ask it to work hard it complains a lot.

Alfalfa > Axial 02/24/2017 at 09:39

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Something I like to point out every time someone says the oil companies and/or government obviously forced GM to cancel their electric car.

carcrazydan738 > C62030 02/24/2017 at 10:19

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I owned a 1990 Chevy Lumina Euro coupe which is like this car’s cousin and I loved it. The 3.1 engine had a good growl, looked good with the whale wrap around wing and it was comfortable roomy. It will forever be one of my favorite cars I ever owned.

dogisbadob > C62030 02/25/2017 at 00:54

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You can use a later Pontiac or Chevy radio (mid-to-late 90s) with better buttons and shit. Some of them even have AUX inputs added.

It looks like there may be space in there to add cupholders too